St Patty Day Ramblings.... (March 19, 2011)

• Yesterday our back office smelled like beef broth and sharpies all day. I didn’t like that.
• I’m really kinda cranky and if anyone else mentions that I did not wear green today, I’m fairly certain that I will, in fact, karate chop them. That’s actually not true because I’m entirely too concerned with what other people think of me to do anything so unacceptable in our current society.
• After years of bartering for chocolate, I’ve finally reached my lifelong goal of attaining a lifetime supply of it. While this is, needless to say, very exciting…it has evolved into a bit of a problem. What does a girl ask for when she’s gained all the chocolate she could ever hope for? I’ve decided to move on to soup.
  I have to stop using bullet points now because something is wrong with wordpress and it keeps inserting weird phrases that I don’t understand.

  *insert bullet point here* I’ve decided to be a grown up and move out of my parent’s basement and into a hotel room. Needless to say, this is really exciting. And until today, it all just seemed like a dream but this afternoon I bought sheets that match my computer chair perfectly and it suddenly became very real.
  *insert bullet point here* I will have been back in Michigan for three whole months as of April 1st and I still have yet to find a friend. I think I’m going to make everyone at the hotel healthy cookies and leave them in the kitchen with a note that says “be my friend and there’s more where this came from.”
  *insert bullet point here* I really have no problem bribing people to be my friends. I bribe kids into liking me with stickers at work all the time and so far my pride hasn’t suffered a bit.
  *insert bullet point here* I was helping my mom make cinnamon rolls tonight but I got distracted halfway through the process and didn’t actually finish them. I’m about 63.5% sure, though, that I’m going to post a picture and take complete credit for it. Mostly because I’ve heard that baking makes you more appealing to the opposite sex.
  *insert bullet point here* EMERGENCY: I just found a yellow post-it in my pocket that says “We have a system- Go around!” It was obviously a note for me to blog on at a later date but I have absolutely no recollection of what it may mean.
  *insert bullet point here* As of today I was 2,352 miles over for an oil change. I’ve been putting it off because I have a phobia of driving over those pits of hell to get it changed. Today I talked my mom into driving it for me (pretending it was actually her car) but when they directed her to roll down the window so they could talk to us, she couldn’t find the right button and I had to lean over and do it myself. It was at that point that I knew that they knew and I could see the judgement in their eyes. Curses on you car guys…with your judging eyes!
  

  These are the really amazing cinnamon rolls I made from scratch.
  That is all.
  Have the BEST weekend ever.

My First Official "Michigan" Blog... (January 24, 2011)

So, I have now entered into a new chapter in my life. A chapter that includes frozen hair, frost-bitten fingers and lots and lots of snow. One may be tempted to curse the plows that threaten to run me off the road during my 1 hour trek to and from work each day. Some less than I may be inclined to shake their fists at the snow that creeps into their non-michiganized boots, so their feet are perpetually wet and cold. . .

I however, am an optimist, dangit! And even, now…I shall find the brighter side!

So with no further ado…my first official Michigan Ramblings:

• Curses on you, frozen hair and frost-bitten fingers!
• I shake my fist at you, crazy snow plow drivers and boots that fail to keep the snow out!
• Once I had a boss that told me , after purchasing my very first car with cruise control and cup-holders, that she was shocked I had chosen red and not blue for the color. I looked up the meaning of blue cars on no less than 3.6 websites and they all said the people who drove them were cool, calm and quiet. I’m 67% sure that this meant she thought I was boring. Needless to say, this is super important although I’m not completely sure why.
• I started knitting 7 days and 3 hours ago and I’ve finished 1 and 1/12 scarves. I’m pretty sure it may be my spiritual gift. I figure at this rate, I’ll be able to open my own scarf shop by March 15th of 2013. I’ve decided to start taking orders 8 days from yesterday. Please leave a comment with your prefered color and pattern, although I’ll probably exercise my artist’s right to make them however I like.

• For as long as I can remember, my esophagus has made noises. Seeing as, for as long as I can remember, I’ve also been unable to burp, I naturally came to the conclusion that the two were directly related. For the last 3 1/2 weeks, though, I’ve burped no less than 12 times. Once my ex told me that the noises were a result of my refusal to eat condiments. Seeing as I basically hate his guts, I refuse to accept this as a viable explanation.
• HIPAA regulations keep me from revealing too much information, however, some things are just too shocking to keep to yourself. Please note that while this may be just a sketch, it is very real. This particular individual purposely does her hair like this every single day. The amount of product alone that would be required to accomplish such a feat is absolutely mind blowing. I wonder if she notices that I never actually make eye contact because I’m always focused on her hair.

And that concludes my very first Michigan Ramblings ever…I think.

Have the BEST Sunday night ever.

That is all.

The Coffee House Blog...And a Bonus (December 19, 2010)

I’m currently at the Blend waiting to see Blockade Runner (pretend it’s last Friday).

There’s a random guy hanging around who I may be tempted to karate chop if I knew that I couldn’t use him for my blog. Below, I’m keeping a record of basically everything leaving his mouth. Enjoy….

• I’m going to get a tattoo of Captain Planet on my ribcage.
• I’m Jewish so I can’t eat bacon. Instead I eat beef bacon which ends up being better for me anyway since it’s completely fat-free.
• I think it would be sweet if I could get orange dreds. They’re really sweet.
• I SWEAR when you played the drums tonight, you took on the form of a unicorn!
• I need something strong and manly tonight. I’ll take a Shirley Temple.

Unfortunately, at this point, subject moved out of ear range.

On another note…I know that a few of you procrastinators have been scrambling for my last-minute Christmas gift so I thought I’d make a few suggestions:

1. A pet owl. Preferably white…
2. A vintage airstream.
3. 33 pairs of warm socks that reach my knees in assorted colors.
4. A lifetime supply of cherry poptarts.
5. A little orange kitten.
6. An all expense paid trip to Ireland.
7. Rosetta Stone so I can learn to speak Greek.
8. Special edition Pink Yahtzee. It has a fuzzy pink shaker cup….http://www.amazon.com/Yahtzee-Classic-Shake-Score-Shout/dp/B002SUAWD0

Have the Best Sunday Ever.

That is all…

An Appeal For Help (November 18, 2010)

EMERGENCY: (I feel like people pay 6% more attention to what I have to say when I say it’s an emergency even though it really isn’t.)

My dad and I are going to be renovating a vintage airstream together…hopefully starting within the next couple of months. It’s probably going to be the most amazing thing you’re ever going to see and you’ll be incredibly jealous that it’s not yours. Needless to say, this is incredibly exciting. Now what I need from you, my Michigan peeps, is for you to keep your eyes peeled. Seeing as (for now) I’m all the way down here, it’s a bit difficult for me to find what it is that I’m looking for allll the way up there. If you know of or see any semi-decent looking airstream for sale, please let me know. Like I said, I’m planning on completely renovating so the interior doesn’t have to be perfect, or even pretty…I just need to know that the electric, plumbing, etc. is functional and that the structure itself is sound. I’m looking to spend somewhere between $0-$3500. It IS important that it be somewhere in Michigan, seeing as teleportation has not yet been perfected and I would probably have to sell my hypothetical first-born child to afford the gas it would take me to drag it from wherever it may be.

On another note…who decided that “keep your eyes peeled” should be an expression used in every day conversation. I, personally, think that the idea of an eye being peeled is completely disgusting.

Have the best Thursday ever.

That is all.

It's Monday Again... (November 8, 2010)

EMERGENCY: Every Monday morning a group of men meet in the building next door to our office. Every Monday, one of the men parks his big ol fat SUV: 75% in one parking spot and 25% in my parking spot making it IMPOSSIBLE for me to park. Needless to say, this is incredibly annoying and after brain-storming a resolution for the past 12 minutes, I think I’ve come up with the only logical solution. Next Sunday I’m going to load my bike into my car. I will park my car: 75% in my parking spot and 25% in his. I will then proceed to ride my bike home, securing my spot. I’m pretty sure that if Jesus were here, that’s probably what He would do too.

I don’t ACTUALLY have a bike. However, I would really enjoy one. I humbly suggest you buy me a light pink or yellow bike with a basket on it and drop it off to me this weekend in honor of my half birthday. If it had sparkly handle bars, that would just be a bonus.

My half birthday isn’t actually until January but I don’t feel that this should in any way interfer with my plans.

My new co-worker talks a lot. I’m pretty sure it must be her spiritual gift. Most of the time, I tune it out for fear that my brain will explode but I realized today that it may be a gift from God to use for my blog. So I now keep a note-book with me at all times and jot down all the crazy things she says. Please note that all of these quotes come completely out of nowhere with absolutely no encouragement on my part.

• 9:02am: “My husband bought me really nice kitchen knives for Christmas 3 years ago. Every time one of us uses them we slice one of our fingers, so last Tuesday I told him he had to put them up. We don’t eat anything anymore that we can’t cut with a butter knife. It’s just not worth risking our safety.”
• 11:53am: *as she pulls a cone-shaped cup from the water machine* “This is just so I can hear the martains better.” *holds cone-shaped cup to her ear, then proceeds to fill it with water*

I moved with my grown-ups into a new community this weekend. Everyone in the neighborhood drives by very slow and even, at times, roll down their windows to look at us when we are outside. People tell me they are just kind of nosy but I’m 82.3% sure it’s because I’m breathtakingly attractive.

Have a beautiful Monday.

That is all.

It's Been Awhile (November 5, 2010)

In light of the twitch that developed in my right eye roughly 3 weeks ago, I decided it was probably time to unload all the junk I have been storing up since my last entry. Here you go….

• I didn’t have time to eat breakfast this morning. Needless to say, this was very disappointing. I ate a spoonful of peanut butter but it just wasn’t the same. I’m considering getting a piece of string cheese in about 13 minutes. I’m pretty sure that won’t be the same either, but I really like cheese.
• We hired a new employee about two weeks ago. I voted for her because she said my hair looked very glamorous. She calls our white lab coats, “smocks”. Since we aren’t painting, I really don’t like that and I wish she would stop.
• I went to my very first college party last week. It was Halloween and I dressed up as Hermione Granger. I thought I was awesome but a girl told me that I looked too old to be a student. Needless to say, I hate her guts and I’m 162.5% sure that she stole all my joy for the last and next 72 days.
• Two weekends ago, I attended a Chiropractic seminar in Atlanta. I was required to sit through an ENTIRE day of medicare billing training. I considered throwing myself in front of a train no less than 5.3 times until I realized that the doctor sitting behind me sounded exactly like the bat from Anastasia. My boss told me he was from France but I think that’s just his cover and he’s really a Russian spy.

• Everyone in my office is sick. For the last two weeks I keep thinking that I’m getting sick too…with the worst cold in the whole world but I have yet to actually get sick. My most recent concern is that I may be losing my voice. I don’t know if it really SOUNDS like it to anyone else. But I’m about 35% sure of it. Eh…maybe 3.2%.
• Everyone has been coughing into the inside of their elbows. I humbly suggest that everyone cough into the outside of their elbows instead. Needless to say, this is important.
• EMERGENCY: Since I began working at my Chiropractic office, I’ve been reminded over and over again by my bosses that coffee is bad for me. For this reason, I went on a coffee hiatus, sacrificing one of my greatest joys in life. Imagine my dismay when a month ago, I discovered that the doc and her husband were closet coffee drinkers. Since then I’ve been on a binge. It’s made me question everything. There’s a 6% chance that they are closet pop-tart eaters as well…with this in mind: I humbly suggest that you each bring me a cup of coffee and a cherry pop-tart (lightly toasted) to work tomorrow morning. I’ll be there from about 6am till noon.
• I declare tomorrow “National Smock Day.” Please be sure to wear your most festive smock and post your picture to facebook.

That is all.

Hi. (October 13, 2010)

Hello friends, this blog is a bit different then the norm. I actually have something very serious to discuss! (imagine that…)

I’m 27 years old and I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do with my life. I know that whatever I do, I want it to help me to love people more, love God better, and grow as best as I can. The problem is, I don’t have a clue what that means for me. I find myself at a “fork in the road” of sorts and I’m asking for your prayer that God will make it abundantly clear to me what it is that I’m supposed to do. And that I won’t lose my mind while I’m waiting to hear from him…..

On a lighter note….

There’s a moth that has been living on our door since I arrived to work this morning. So far the only movement I’ve noticed has been a gradual 187 degree turn. I’ve named him Earl. Needless to say, this is very important.

That is all.