La la Laaa La.

1.) It seems that there is always at least one moment out of the day that I find myself saying "I don't really like that at all. I just kinda wish it would stop." I discussed this with a man named Dennis last week and he told me "Jayme, sometimes I just have to laugh at life. Otherwise, I would find myself so completely disturbed that I'd be forced to become a shut-in." I decided that there was a bit of wisdom to this and have decided, in an effort to laugh at life, that I will dedicate a portion of my blog to these "shut-in" worthy events....

I don't really like that at all, I just kinda wish it would stop moment of the day:

At work there is a chalk board above my work center that I write inspirational quotes or intriguing phrases to strike up conversation with our patients about their health. The phrase this week was "Dog Milk".

This is how the conversation is supposed to go:

**fades into office**

Patient: Gross. Dog milk?

Me: Yes, would you want to drink dog's milk?

Patient: No! That's disgusting!

Me: I know but, honestly, it's no more disgusting than drinking cow's milk.

Patient: Really?

Me: Yes. We are the only species that consumes another species' milk and our bodies were not designed to digest it.

Patient: I didn't know that.

Me: Yes, it's not healthy for you but there are some things you can drink in place of normal milk.......

**fades out**

This is how the conversation ACTUALLY went:

**fades into office**

Patient: I don't get it. Dog milk?

Me: Yes, would you want to drink dog's milk?

Patient: I don't really know.

Me: You don't know? Don't you think that would be gross?

Patient: Well...

Me: Do you realize that we are the only species that consumes another species' milk? It's not healthy for us. Our bodies were not created to digest it.

Patient: I don't really think that is true.

Me: What do you mean??

Patient: I don't really think that dog's milk would be that bad for you.

Me: How could dog's milk be GOOD for you??

Patient: One time when I was young my baby sister disappeared for two hours. We couldn't find her anywhere. We looked high and low. Then someone got the idea to look out in the barn. That's where we found her...with all the puppies nursing on the momma dog.

Me: Shocked silence.

Patient: She seemed to like it and it didn't hurt her at all.

**awkward silence**

**everyone in waiting room is staring at me**

**patient walks away**

**fades out**

2.) I received no less than 3.65 gifts of ice cream today. Needless to say, this was very exciting. Not only am I incredibly popular but I've always wanted to have super powers. It crossed my mind for approximately .73 seconds that I'm just skilled in the art of manipulation but dismissed the thought immediately.

3.) I dated a guy once who always made fun of the way I pronounced words. I asked him once who died and made him the king of the English language but I don't remember what he said in reply. While listening to a bit of Pearl Jam this afternoon I was reminded of the time that he told me that he really liked the song Dissident but it annoyed him that it was a fake word. I looked it up today. It's real. If I sent him an anonymous letter in the mail containing only the definition of the word, would I win?

4.) #2 actually wasn't true at all. Turns out I don't have powers...and I'm probably not really all that popular.

That is all.

The Food Blog...mostly.

I declare this the food blog. It's not really about food at all. But I'm hungry, so every bullet point is going to contain something about food...except for the first one.

A random man told me today that it was hotter out than his high school guidance counselor. I didn't really like it and humbly suggest that no one say anything like that to me ever again.

EMERGENCY: This morning I posted a status stating that I'd decided if I could have any super power in the world it would be the ability to declare national holidays whenever I deemed necessary. For example, today would be "National Red Heads Get To Stay In Bed All Day and Watch Gilmore Girls While Eating Oatmeal With Blueberries In It Because I'm Exhausted and Am Fairly Certain There Is At Least 3 Teaspoons Of Sand In My Right Ear Day." Within moments of posting this, I received a call from my boss saying she was sick and that the office was to be closed for the day. Now here I am, eating my oatmeal with blueberries, completely prepared to put in my first season of Gilmore Girls and can't help but note that there is a 32.6% chance that these two occurrences are directly related. Could it be that I'm fully responsible for the condition of the Doc's well-being? If so, I'm sincerely sorry and plan to be much more responsible when declaring my future holidays.

I declare tomorrow official "Bring Jayme Ice Cream Day". I'll be working from 8:30-1:00 and then 3:00-6:30, please feel free to either drop it by the office or swing by my house after work. I'll pretty much take any kind...except for cookie dough. Or Vanilla. Or cookies and cream. Actually...I declare tomorrow official "Bring Jayme Chocolate Ice Cream Day."

Family Factoid:
The family reunion has come and gone. Had it's high points, it's low points...and as promised, it was all documented. Now it's important for me to note here that since returning from the reunion, a number of my cousins have added me as friends. For this very reason, I was hesitant to follow through with my vow to all of you but I truly believe that we have too much invested to just let it go. So I propose this to you, cousins. A censored account. I promise to change names, not talk about your moms or you specifically. I also have a surplus of chocolate that I'm willing to share with you. You in return, promise to not rat me out. I give you 3 days to respond to this blog. If I don't hear from you, I'm going to assume this is fine.



That is All.







*disclaimer for everyone but my family to read: a friend taught me how to block specific people from my notes. If there is an uprising within my clan, I've got it covered*