It's Been Awhile (November 5, 2010)

In light of the twitch that developed in my right eye roughly 3 weeks ago, I decided it was probably time to unload all the junk I have been storing up since my last entry. Here you go….

• I didn’t have time to eat breakfast this morning. Needless to say, this was very disappointing. I ate a spoonful of peanut butter but it just wasn’t the same. I’m considering getting a piece of string cheese in about 13 minutes. I’m pretty sure that won’t be the same either, but I really like cheese.
• We hired a new employee about two weeks ago. I voted for her because she said my hair looked very glamorous. She calls our white lab coats, “smocks”. Since we aren’t painting, I really don’t like that and I wish she would stop.
• I went to my very first college party last week. It was Halloween and I dressed up as Hermione Granger. I thought I was awesome but a girl told me that I looked too old to be a student. Needless to say, I hate her guts and I’m 162.5% sure that she stole all my joy for the last and next 72 days.
• Two weekends ago, I attended a Chiropractic seminar in Atlanta. I was required to sit through an ENTIRE day of medicare billing training. I considered throwing myself in front of a train no less than 5.3 times until I realized that the doctor sitting behind me sounded exactly like the bat from Anastasia. My boss told me he was from France but I think that’s just his cover and he’s really a Russian spy.

• Everyone in my office is sick. For the last two weeks I keep thinking that I’m getting sick too…with the worst cold in the whole world but I have yet to actually get sick. My most recent concern is that I may be losing my voice. I don’t know if it really SOUNDS like it to anyone else. But I’m about 35% sure of it. Eh…maybe 3.2%.
• Everyone has been coughing into the inside of their elbows. I humbly suggest that everyone cough into the outside of their elbows instead. Needless to say, this is important.
• EMERGENCY: Since I began working at my Chiropractic office, I’ve been reminded over and over again by my bosses that coffee is bad for me. For this reason, I went on a coffee hiatus, sacrificing one of my greatest joys in life. Imagine my dismay when a month ago, I discovered that the doc and her husband were closet coffee drinkers. Since then I’ve been on a binge. It’s made me question everything. There’s a 6% chance that they are closet pop-tart eaters as well…with this in mind: I humbly suggest that you each bring me a cup of coffee and a cherry pop-tart (lightly toasted) to work tomorrow morning. I’ll be there from about 6am till noon.
• I declare tomorrow “National Smock Day.” Please be sure to wear your most festive smock and post your picture to facebook.

That is all.